my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
