I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
