YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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