Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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