The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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