Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
