I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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