you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
