just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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