One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you had me at cake vodka
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
