I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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