I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
