Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
