Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
