Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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