Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
