we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
