I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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