I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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