we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
