ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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