Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
