quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
