mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
