At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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