I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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