i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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