Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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