Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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