just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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