I wanna passion pit in your ass
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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