the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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