history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
