Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
