I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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