i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
