you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
