I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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