Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
