im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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