It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
