I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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