I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
