forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
