I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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