Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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