I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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