I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
