Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
