It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
